Kim So-ye: "It's like a past life of T.T.M.A., I went through self-hatred in my 40s... I endured it well." [Interview ③]

*This content was translated by AI.

Kim So-ye, who debuted as a member of the group T.T.M.A., expanded her career to acting and then directing, and opened up about her journey of accepting herself "as she is" after enduring endless self-questioning and periods of self-hatred.

On the 28th, we spoke with Kim So-ye at the Seoul Jongno-gu StarNews building. She is a director who has helmed three films: "Finger" (2011), "Rebound" (2019), and "My Eggs" (2020).

Kim So-ye said, "Creation is my expressive tool that I cannot let go of. As an actress, there are limits to what I can express. It is also a profession where I am chosen, and when I act out stories I did not write myself, I am merely adding my voice to them; sometimes they are not entirely mine."

Kim So-ye, who felt a strong desire for this, said, "I have been creating without even realizing it for a long time. Film is a comprehensive medium that includes writing, acting, and music. It is a gift-like outlet for me, but it is also extremely difficult."

She mentioned her close friend, director Jo Eun-ji, who has directed several feature films, saying, "I admire her so much. She told me to write a feature film, but it is an area I dare not even attempt because it feels so overwhelming. When I expressed my concerns about feeling burdened, she told me, 'Don't think of it as showing off art, but as telling a story.' That snapped me out of it."

She added, "I am still writing short films, and I think I will move forward when the time is right. If I rush, I might stumble unnecessarily. Especially since filmmaking is a collaborative effort involving many people, hasty challenges can cause harm. I think I will create when I am ready and the time is right."

Recalling her days debuting with the group T.T.M.A., she said, "Thinking back now, it feels like a past life. It feels like living a second life." She continued, "While I was active as an idol, the question 'Who am I?' grew larger, and because of that question, there were times when I pushed everything away and tried to go in the opposite direction."

She defines herself as an "independent human" and said, "At one point, I was very hard on myself, but as time passed, I gained some leeway. Now, I have hope that I can embrace both indie sensibilities and mainstream appeal."

However, she also revealed that the process was not smooth. She said, "There were times when I suffered from severe self-hatred. After my idol days, when I appeared frequently on variety shows, I hated seeing myself smiling on TV. I even felt disgusted by myself for smiling on the outside while my insides were dark."

She also shared her current changes as she enters her 40s. She said, "Now I think, 'What is the problem?' I have come to accept that this is me and that is me as well. I am part of me whether I wear high heels or sneakers."

She added, "Still, I think I have crossed all those periods in a healthy way. Now, I am praising those times a lot."

Kim So-ye also spoke frankly about her strict attitude toward herself. She said, "I do not watch my acting performances closely. I watch the films I directed dozens or hundreds of times while editing, but for my acting roles, I do not even check the monitor; I accept them as they are when the director says 'okay.' I only see them once during the screening."

She added, "I think I am quite harsh on myself. Someday, I hope there will be a day when I can look at myself a little more generously and say, 'That was good enough.' However, I am also afraid that if that day comes, I might become complacent."

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*This content was translated by AI.